Home Sweet Home…

Some days I really have no idea where to start… what do I possibly blog about right now?? There has been SOOOOOO MUCH going on and I could seriously write up 40 different posts. I’ve sat at my computer 4 different times wondering what to type up. Do I back-track?! Talk about the most recent news? All I know is, I don’t know what the future holds right now, but I know everything will be okay in the end. I just need to take it one day at a time…

The kids and I made it back from Phoenix mid February, and we’ve been getting settled in for the last 4 weeks. Being on my own has been tough. Knowing I’m the only person to get up in the middle of the night, or when they cry, or when they need to be held or fed is a lot to put on one person. There were many times I questioned myself. Was I doing a good enough job? Can I do this on my own? Am I a good mother?! I think the icing on the cake was sleep training the twins. I’m not sure who cried more…. me or them. It was absolutely grueling and heartbreaking!!!! ZERO sleep for me (I maybe got 3-4 hours in 3 straight days) and then the twins were cranky from the transition as well. It weighed heavy on me and it was so hard to hear my children cry out for me and I was no where to be found. It was probably the hardest time of my life and it was truly heart wrenching, but I knew it was going to be worth it in the end.

Now I know what you are going to say….. CIO (cry it out) method is harsh. Yes, I get it…. it is harsh, but I tried the graduated method and it upset the kids even more. At one point Parker was so upset he pulled a chunk of my hair out while having a fit. (Kid – I am losing enough hair I don’t need it pulled out too!) All I knew was that something needed to give and it was literally impossible for one person (me) to continually get up 4-5 times a night and feed TWO babies, and then function all day as well. It was definitely THE HARDEST thing I’ve ever had to encounter with the twins so far, but after 6 days of pure agony they magically started sleeping from 7-7:30pm till 5:30/6:30am! They aren’t perfect yet and have slip-ups from time to time, but everything is finally starting to flow.

Sleep, yes SLEEP started to happen for ALL of us. And I eventually stopped getting up 10 times to see if they were breathing, or had rolled over, to check their room temperatures, to make sure the camera was placed in the best spot to see them… and OMG are they too warm?! The constant worry started to fade and I was FINALLY able to sleep 6-7 hours a night for the first time MONTHS!!

Every week has been flying by since we’ve been home. Its been a string of appointments; vaccinations, check ups, weigh-ins for the kids. Appointments for me, appointments for my car (did I mention my car was rear-ended while I was away?!) Organizing and getting the house in order after being away for 2 months. Getting groceries, supplies for the twins, organizing closets and clothes… I no longer needed my maternity wear and the kids 0-6 months clothes needed to be sorted and put into storage. Honestly everyday had a full list of things to do and the list just keeps getting longer and longer.

This week I am getting Alexia’s nursery set up and hopefully she will be settled into her room by the weekend. Twins typically share a room, but with Parker’s severe colic from birth until a month ago, they did not work well in the same room and needed to be separated to get any kind of sleep. Since we’ve been home the poor girl has been sleeping in a playpen in the spare room while her brother basks in his fully set up nursery and comfy crib. It was time to get her into her own room and get her out of the playpen and into a proper bed. It was a tough decision to keep them separated, especially since I have them (almost) sleep trained, but for all of our sanity and sleep needs I think separating them is best for all of us right now.